Robert's Reflections
November 05, 2000

Archive

Child Rearing (Cont)

I cannot improve upon an artcle by Dr. John Rosernond from his 1995 book, A Family of Value where he writes about the purpose of discipline. Here is the article in its entirety. Enjoy!

Discipline is the process by which parents make disciples of their children, a child-disciple being one who pays close attention to his parents and follows their lead. The ultimate goal of parental discipline is to produce an adult who requires minimal management" of his or her behavior; an adult who is self-disciplining. The idea, then, is to discipline such that the child in question is enabled to eventually take the reins of his discipline into his own hands, and successfully so.

Discipline is not primarily a matter of punishment, although punishing inappropriate behavior is certainly part of the overall process. The goal is not to make the child passively subservient, but to make the child autonomous. The goal is not to "break" the child's will, but to "bend" it, to direct it toward rewarding ends. Discipline is not a matter of anger, although there are times when it is certainly appropriate for parents to demonstrate anger in the course of "disciplining" a child. Discipline is not a matter of spanking, although there are times when spankings are called for. Discipline has nothing to do with making children afraid of adults, although it is definitely in the long-term best interests of children that they be intimidated by adults. Discipline is not the sum total of a number of "disciplinary methods." It is an art, the "whole" of which is far greater than the sum of its parts.

Underlying all of the above is one basic fact: Only self-disciplined adults can be successful at disciplining children.

Reference: 'Because I Said So'
By: John Rosemond