Robert's Reflections
December 10, 2000

Archive

Children  must fall to stand

Please allow me to ride an old horse one more time. Many of today's parents seem to think that letting a child fall flat on his face, when the fall could have been prevented, is not only irresponsible, but downright cruel. In effect this attitude, which  implies that the parent, not the child, is responsible for the child's mistakes, condemns the parent to spend countless hours and endless effort trying to prevent the child from making mistakes.

Dr. Rosemond calls this kind of obsessive hovering "Parenting by Helicopter." The result is that many of today's children never team to accept responsibility for their behavior. Why? Because their parents are doing such a wonderful job of accepting the responsibility for them. An old radio commercial once had the slogan, "Experience is the best teacher." The question is how does one get experience? By failing down, then having to get back up. By making mistakes one learns what works and what does not. A parent should should be supportive of their child's trial and error, but should take a posture of noninterference. This is not talking about allowing children to play with knives, or chase balls into the street. But standing back and letting the child try and fail, gives him room to develop initiative, resourcefulness, and problem-solving skills. Yet it also forces the child to learn to deal with the frustration that comes with attempts to learn any new skill---social, academic, emotional, etc.

It all boils down to this: If you want your children to learn how to successfully stand on their own two feet, you must be willing to occasionally let them fall flat on their faces.